the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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