had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
