Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
