Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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