It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
