Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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