You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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