I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
