My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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