Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
