Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
