is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
