whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
