You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
