Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she peed on how many people?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
