Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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