Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
