My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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