His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
