He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
