Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
