Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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