I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
