she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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