There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
