this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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