The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
