Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I fill condoms, not promises.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
