the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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