Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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