May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
