so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
