They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
