I'm so fucking centered right now
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
