im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
