I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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