whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
