And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
