He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
