Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
