I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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