Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
