My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
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I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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