6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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