Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
