I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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