woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
