At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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