I need to stop coming to work sober
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were trust falling into bushes
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