He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
