i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
