the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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