He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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