You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
