Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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