My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
