just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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