The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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