He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize