Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
