I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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