i need an iv and a liver transplant
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
