I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
