never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
