he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
