i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
