so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
