Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
