Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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