two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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