I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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