none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
