I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
