I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
