He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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