How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
